The End Times

First of all I will not apologize for anything said here that may or may not be offensive to you. These are my real thoughts and feelings and reactions and I just need to vent and get it off my chest. That being said...

The next person to talk to me about the end times is seriously going to regret it.
I am so sick of Christians being OBESSED with the end of the world. Worrying and fretting and running around with their heads chopped off as if they can escape the inevitable. Goodness gracious people. STOP FREAKING OUT!
During this past year Pastor Joe has made this same comment every now and then: "Some Christians become so Heavenly obsessed that they are no earthly good." Meaning that they become so absorbed with looking upwards to see if the sky is falling in that they lose touch with reality. We don't need to be dwelling on the things to come but to be in the present time where God has placed us. Storing food and things for survival is fine but to become so completely dependent on them?
Matthew 6:19-21
         "Do not store for yourselves treasures on earth where moth and rust destroy and thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."

 Now you may be thinking "What's wrong with being prepared and having extra food?" and really there might not be anything wrong with that. But think of it this way are we really putting our full trust in God to provide for us or are we gathering up manna because we don't believe that God will give us food to eat tomorrow?
Basically I am saying that I have had it. Leave me alone. Do not try to put the same fear in your hear  into my heart. Let me be concerned with today and live one day at a time. I can't handle this anymore. You know what else I am sick of!? I am so sick of that look of complete belittlement towards me. As if to say "Oh she's not really listening to what God is telling her." Guess what guys just because you feel like God is telling to you to "store up" and "move of state" does NOT mean He is telling me that! Could it be that God just might be telling me otherwise? When I say I am "sick" it's because when I hear these people talk about this stuff I literally start feeling sick to my stomach like something isn't right. I refuse to become a paranoid, end of the world type Christian. I do believe that God could/would/can/will tell someone to supply "x" amount of food for "x" amount of time for "x" amount of people but I also believe that it doesn't mean God is telling us to live in fear. 
another thing I disagree with is all the secrecy. It's freaking me out. I think that's what doesn't set well with me the most. You can't even tell your friends and family what your plans are? You don't want these people who love and care about you to even have your address? Sounds a little cult-ish to me. Hold on a minute, I'm not saying they are going to start a cult but what I am saying is "DON"T DRINK THE KOOL-AID!" Be cautious and mindful. Pray, pray, pray and pray some more. If  I am to move out of state let God tell me in His own way. Stop pushing your convictions on me. I'm starting to become totally closed off to this subject. As soon as someone starts talking about survival I tense up, roll my eyes and think here we go again...Up until now I have kept my mouth shut because what good is throwing pearls before swine to have them trample on them the tear ME into pieces. And because i don't think they give a rats ass what my opinion is because is differs from their own. I get the feeling that that they would basically say "the hell with you then." I will not be subject to some kind of dictatorship, I am not going to bow down to anyone. Not even Andrew. They and he are not my God and I will not let them speak for me or make my decisions. And I will no longer be ashamed of myself, my thoughts or reactions because that's the way God made me. I have to start sticking up for myself. So there you have it. What I really think about tall this nonsense. And to be clear, IF you so happen to feel as though the Lord is calling you away I have nothing wrong with that just don't tell me that He is also telling me to get up and go too.

Re-reading this I see that I am really pissed off about this whole thing but it's good to get it out and let it go.

Gay Marriage: Spiritual Battle vs. Political Battle

Please read its entirety before commenting. And if you happen to be a Christian please do me the courtesy of taking the time to pray about what God would have you comment if He would have you comment at all. Thank you.

This is a topic I have long debated over within myself and at this point I couldn't be more confused about my actual opinion. I'm tired of thinking of the left side as "the enemy" and going with the right side just because other Christians tell me to. I know that I will receive flak from relatives and friends for this but I'm just not convinced that this is a political battle. I'm just not convinced that it is necessarily wrong to let persons of the same sex to legally marry. *GASP*
OH NO SHE DI'INT! Oh yes I did! I said it. And yes, I am still a Christian who knows what scripture says about marriage. I know, I know, I know so don't give me any lectures puh-please. If I am wrong in my thinking let God work in my heart His truth.
Now I'm not saying I agree with people who are gay getting married, because ultimately I want and pray that they will come to Jesus and repent of their sins because I don't want them to spend forever in hell and I want them to be healed of their pains and love Jesus with all their hearts and serve Him. But like I just said I do not believe it is my right to take away civil rights that our country promises.
At the same time I do not rejoice when finding out someone it gay or that they are going to get married, it really breaks my heart. However, who am I to keep them from being together legally? What right have I to cast the first stone? 40 years ago it was against the law for a person of white skin and a person of black skin to marry. Something we find so outrageous nowadays. I understand it is different being that one person was male and the other female but certain parts of the country denied them this basic civil right.
I feel guilty sometimes about thinking this way and I'll pray to God that if I am against Him to change my heart and mind. I suppose I am a gay-rights sympathizer, I know that I cannot vote for it because of what the bible clearly says that a marriage is between a man and a woman. Then again I don't know if I could rightly vote against it, believing what I do about our country. I guess I just understand the political point they are coming from/ 
I want to clarify something. I don't mean "healed" in a sense like homosexuality alone is evil and they must be rid of it. I mean "healed" in the way that Jesus heals all of our hurts, scars, buried deep abuse and violations. I want them and everyone, literally, to know the wholeness of healing with Jesus. How refreshing and freeing it is. Not to say it isn't difficult to go through having gone through some major healing a few times. 
Some scripture I have been reminded of while writing this:
Genesis 2:24
"Therefore a man shall leave his mother and father and cleave unto his wife and they shall be one flesh."

John 8:2-11
"At dawn he appeared again in the temple courts, where all the people gathered around him, and he sat down to teach them. The teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery. They made her stand before the group and said to Jesus, 'Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?' They were using this question as a trap in order to have a basis for accusing him.
But Jesus bent down and started to write in the ground with his finger. When they kept on questioning him he straightened up and said to them, 'Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.'
Again he stooped down and began to write on the ground.
At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there. Jesus straightened up and asked her, 'Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?'
'No one sir' she said.
'Then neither do I condemn you' Jesus declared, 'Go now and leave your life of sin.'

The point is, I am not condoning the lifestyle but neither am I condemning those who live it.This is a spiritual battle but a political one? I'm still praying about that. I pray for conviction in their ways and that God will soften their hearts to receive His forgiveness and healing. Mostly I pray that hateful Christians won't make it harder for those of us God has given a love for this group. I believe that this may be part of my calling. To love on them as Jesus would have me and not to judge or criticize.
 

Matthew 7:1-6
"Judge not, lest ye be judged. For with that judgement ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with that measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again. And why do you look at the speck in your brother's eye. but not consider the plank in your own eye. Or how can you say to your brother, 'Let me remove the speck in your eye', and look, a plank is in your own eye? Hypocrite! First remove the plank in your own eye and then you will see clearly to remove the speck form your brother's eye.
Do not give what is Holy to the dogs; not cast your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet and turn and tear you in pieces."
Did you see that? "...turn and tear you in pieces." YIKES!
Of course there are so many other bible verses that I could quote but that would take all night and it's already nearing 1am for me. If you want look up this website that talks about God's view of marriage: Marriage Bible Verses
May God give us all discernment and wisdom in such a controversial topic, and may He give us a loving attitude towards those we do not understand nor agree with. Give us the strength to stand up for your word. In Jesus' name I pray, amen. 

My Prayer

Lord, God Almighty, Father,
         You are my fortress. In you I live for You are my home.
I praise Your name for the blessings You have given to me.
I praise Your name for the blessings You have for me.
Thank You for Your sovereign hand over me.
You have never forsaken me Lord so why this doubt welling up inside of me?
When have I gone hungry? When have I been homeless.
When have you not provided for me?
What have I to fear when You have proved Yourself to me time and time again?
You are my shepherd and I your sheep.
Thank You for leading me beside still waters so that I will not drown.
You protect me from the wolves and lions.
Praise to you God who is holy and righteous!
You have not abandoned me.
Bring back that peace to me.
Calm my soul and cradle me in your bosom like a helpless baby.
Let me be full of you again.
Quiet my mind and spirit. Let me be still in you.
Shut out the voices of  the false prophets manipulating me with their lies.
And shut out the voices of others tempting me into doing their will.
I will not listen to their voices but only hear what You, Lord my God will have me do.
You remind me that I am more important than the birds of the air and the lilies of the field.
Holy is Your name.
               In Jesus' name I praise
                         Amen.

Psalm 46
Matthew 6 & 7
Psalm 23
Isaiah 66

Going Cuckoo

Man, oh man. It has been one thing after another lately. Found our last week that the in-laws are moving out of state and putting their place up for sale. Which means we need to find somewhere else to live because we rent the little house next door to them.

My husband hates his job and wants to quit and I don't know where that leaves us. He also thinks we should just up and move to "Planet X" with his family, uuuuuum no thanks! He can't seem to make up his mind on what he wants to do for the rest of his life. It's the same with school, he does, he doesn't, he does, he doesn't...you get the picture.

Brinlee has her two-year molars coming in, Celyn has his first two top teeth coming in and I can see the white outline of them. Speaking of kids Brin has also hit the dreaded TT's. Yes, the Terrible Twos'.

I had a doctors appointment out of town on Thursday so I went down to my parents house on Wednesday came home on Friday had a HUGE all-day birthday party for Andrew's great-grandma Sunday morning drove up to Concord for my niece's 5th birthday at chuck e.cheese left today at 3:11pm got stuck in traffic on the 680 and 580 missed my exit back tracked made it to Modesto at 5:11pm stopped because Andrew wanted me to go grocery shopping at Trader Joe's back on the road at 6:34pm home at 7:10pm unpacked put away food cooked dinner nursed baby ate food put toddler down waaaaaaay passed her bed time finished dinner glass of wine here I am. PHEW! I know it's a run-on but it was a run-on kind of week.
I need a break from everything. It doesn't help that my son still wants milk all-the-time. I did have a good time visting but I wish my family members weren't so far away because nothing is harder, when traveling, than having a 3 month old and a 22 month old. I 

Ok, ok, ok, enough right? Quit complaining. No one made me do all of that. Sooooo why am I not in bed? Because this is the first time I have had a chance to actually sit down and my mind is still going 90mph. However I reeeeeally need to get to sleep. Night.

                                             Next time Readers!

It is hard to be writing about my life. Not because I am ashamed about it but because it brings up a lot of emotions that I have become so good at shoving deep in the back of my mind. Even at 22, married with two kids of my own I still feel the sting of abandonment. Unfortunately time does not heal all wounds. Some are only healed by prayer and acknowledgement and the hardest for me so far acceptance.
While I don't feel a great urge to share my story I feel the need to at least get it out of me. To stop holding it in as if it will go away. I definitely do not want this to become a "pity party."  Having been abused I hate it when people use their past to manipulate others into pitying them. I want to be a survivor not a victim. But I'm still struggling with how open I need to be, how much detail to share.  
I got a little ahead of myself at the last "My Story" post. There are almost six years in between the time I was born to the time I met, or rather re-met my dad. In that time we stayed in Santa Rosa while my mom went to school to get her Bachelors in nursing. It's strange I know that my grandma Jeannine must have been around but I don't really remember her. I do remember my Papa Troy and Grammy Loretta being a huge part of my life. I should clarify. My Grandma Jeannine is my mother's mother and my Papa Troy is my mother's father. Grammy is technically my step-grandma but I love her all the same...
I remember going to Covenant Christian Church and later their private school. I remember my mom having a couple boyfriends. One of them we both became quite attached to. I thought they were close to an engagement of some sort. But it didn't work out for whatever reason. It was hard for my mom but also hard for me. He was great. he taught me to tie my shoe laces and even came with Mom and I on my first day of school. I wonder sometimes whatever happened to him. When we went to his house, to pick up some last personal items I'm assuming, I saw he and a woman walking into his apartment together. Even at 5 I knew what was going on. He had found someone better. He didn't want us anymore. Maybe he wasn't all that great. A year passed and my mom received a call from my dad. He said he wanted to "get to know me." My dad had been married, had a son and divorced in the time he was away. Wow! This was everything I had ever wanted! My real dad coming into my life and not only that but I now had a brother too. They came up to Santa Rosa for a visit and sparks flew between my parents...again. I have just come to the point of acceptance, I will never understand them but who does understand their parents? lol
Anyways, duty calls in the form of a cry telling me that someone is awake and ready for milk. Hopefully I'll get back today. If not happy reading.

Until next time Readers

Of course when we are away from home my kids get sick and cranky. We are 'babysitting' a 16 and half year old for the week at his home. He basically just needs someone here who can drive and make sure he doesn't throw any crazy parties. Bahahahahaa, I guess you'd have to know him to understand that comment was loaded with sarcasm. He is one of the most easy-going, responsible teenagers I have met.
Anyways, Brinlee threw up in her bed last night and went back to sleep without making so much as a peep. I got her up this morning and she had dried vomit all over her. :( Poor thing. Then Celyn has been suffering from acid reflux this week. He has always had symptoms but this week it seems to have gotten much worse. So no dairy or soy for me for a while. Hopefully it works. man, it is going to be so difficult not to eat and dairy products. Butter, cream, milk, cheese, ice cream, the Stoddards curry, bread...and so on. It will be worth it though if he feels better. I have already gotten a bit obsessed with coconut milk and have already been replacing milk for it in some foods. That will make it easier to transition but nothing can replace butter.

My Name

This morning Andrew got up with Brinlee because I was too tired to get up after the night I had. Andrew now gets off work at 9pm which means he doesn't get home until about 9:30-45pm. So I stayed up with him until about 11:30pm and of course Celyn decided to wake up about every 1 /12 to nurse. When he woke up at 5:30am I could not fall back to sleep. When he woke up at 6:30am he would not go back to sleep. Thank God for my helpful husband. He let me sleep until 10am. YAY! At the breakfast table Brinlee kept saying "Puppy poo poo outside." and I said "Yeah that's right she does." I told Andrew that yesterday she started crying for the puppy. I let Windy in the house because Brinlee was sick and I didn't want her outside. About 2 hours later I had to let her out to go potty and Brin started having a conniption. So I told her that the puppy needed to go poo poo outside. Andrew replied, "Ooohhhh! It all makes so much sense now. I could not figure out what she was talking about." 

But back to my story. I believe I promised to tell you about my name: Jordan Elizabeth
At the time my mom was pregnant with me my older sister Tasha was 4 years old and in preschool. She had a little boy in her class named Jordan that she had as much of a crush that a 4 year old could have on him. So when mom asked her what to name the baby Tasha of course said Jordan! Mom had told he pastor about it when she was at counseling. The pastor told her that Jordan was a very symbolic name for what mom was going through. Mom realized what she meant. That she was like the Israelites trusting God to deliver them out of Egypt and across the Jordan River into the Promised land. I don't know the specifics just because I have never asked but I do know that she felt abandoned. Abandoned by my dad and by her family. My mom was between a rock and a hard place when she had me. She was practically homeless. When she had me she was living in a motel with no money and no car. She had to completely trust in God. She then decided that whether I was a boy or girl I would be named Jordan. OK, but what about Elizabeth?
The name Elizabeth means "consecrated to the Lord." and that is what mom wanted for her baby, relating back to the whole "dynamo for Jesus" thing. If I had been a boy my middle name was to be Troy after my maternal grandfather. I was born on his birthday, August 28th 1989. He says I stole his birthday and that he hasn't had one since...It doesn't quite look that way Papa, sorry. lol. My dad came to see me when I was about 3 months old and when was 7 months old but I didn't see him again until shortly after my 6th birthday.

Until next time Readers